John: My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine, some good food and companionship. She goes Tuesday's, I go Friday's.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Ontario and mine is in B.C.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We alway… Continue

Say What?

•As pilots training in the U.S. Air Corps they taught us, "Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take-offs you make."
•My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine.
•Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
•Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take witho… Continue

1.Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.

2.Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.

3.Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in nappies.

4.What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

5.If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all there.

6.Te… Continue

Self ansered Questions

"Is the basement upstairs?"
"So you were gone until you returned?"
"What time does the 7 o'clock ferry leave?"
"When was whe war of 1812?"
"How much is that $10 watch?"
"If you record silence on a tape and then play it back with the volume all the way up, will that drown out the noise in the room?"
"Isn't it funny how Thanksgivin… Continue

•It's so cold, even the Good Humour Man is in a bad mood.

•It's so cold, chicken wings are being sold only in hot and suicide.

•It's so cold, Paris Hilton is actually wearing clothes.

•It's so cold, fleece is once again fashionable.

•It's so cold that I can feel icicles forming beneath my eyelids

•It's so cold that I put the meat in the freezer to defrost.

•It's so cold that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets for once.

•It's so cold that even members of congress couldn't get… Continue

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
W… Continue